You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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