my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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