My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
