stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't want my vagina anymore.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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