her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
