okay pat passed out under dana's car
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
