tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
