Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize