I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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