somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it was like eating out sand paper
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
