He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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