I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
