I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
