I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
