Are we in a gay sports bar?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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