make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Less talking, more tequila
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
