Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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