Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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