I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
