so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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