A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
