Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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