Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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