how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
