Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
