i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
