Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
