I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
