I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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