we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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