I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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