I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she told me i tasted like america
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
