you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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