I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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