hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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