Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
