Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
