when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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