Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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