You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
