And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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