yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
