She's JV to your varsity
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
