Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
