you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
