I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
