I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
