so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
