I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
