Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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