her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i think i just lost a toe
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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