Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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