i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
