Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
