I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
