Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
