I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
