she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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