Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
if only i could text you this smell
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
