You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
