Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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