So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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