I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it hurts more in the daytime
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize