i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
