im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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