my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize